As Fast As I Can

I absolutely love the TV Show “How I Met Your Mother". I saw this episode a few days ago, and thought of the ending scene today.  In a closure convo with Stella, months after she bailed on their wedding day, Ted confides in her that he’s tired of waiting for “the one”.

"I know you're tired of waiting. And you may have to wait a little while more, but she's on her way, Ted. And she's getting here as fast as she can." –Stella.  

Last night, at my friend's bridal shower, another friend asked me "So are you next?" Of course I didn't see that one coming ;)

I've been digging deep since then and you know what?... I'm just not there yet. Once in a while, I get that little tug. A desire to begin a life with someone. This is good, because this reminds me that I am indeed human and not above such needs ☺ But the majority of the time…I don’t want to be married. At the moment, I'm not attracted to the lifestyle of being a wife and mother. Right now, I love my independence, my space, my freedom and my adventures!

I’ve learned that you have to get “there” one step at a time.  A couple years ago, my sister had her first baby.  I spent some time with her after she got home from the hospital…and I felt overwhelmed (And I wasn't even the mother!!)  I said to my sister “Man, I am so not ready for this”.  You know what she said?  “Well if I didn’t have 9 months to prepare, I wouldn’t be ready either!” Lights went on in my head...of course!  There are steps you take in life and each step mentally prepares you for the next!

I’ve made some good steps.  For many years, I hated even the commitment of going on dates.  I struggled with spending a few hours with one guy, paying attention to only him, getting to know him one on one.  I felt like I was in bondage (yep, I used that very word with my friends and they’d just laugh at me!) I would've rather “hung out” because then I’d be free to move about and talk to other people (even guys) without feeling guilty or obligated. Then I could leave whenever I wanted (so pathetic…I know). 

I don’t feel that way anymore, most of the time anyway.  I’ve learned that it’s good practice for me to commit a couple hours to one guy on a date and get to know him. I celebrate when I actually find a guy here and there that I WANT to spend one-on-one time with... because it just doesn't happen as often these days. 

There are many steps to take from here and I know this:  Going from dating a variety of guys to preparing myself to commit to dates with just one.  From there, being honest and allowing myself to become vulnerable as I let that one guy in. I'll need more time, space, patience...and additional mental preparation as I do this.  And there are more steps to take even from there! 

But I’m on my way….and I am getting there as fast as I can.