To the Single Folk

One recent night, a couple friends and I were sitting in a movie theater watching the credits roll and just chatting.  Our conversation shifted to the topic of dating and some frustrations (The Lord of the Rings had long credits).
Finally, I bursted out, "Our culture doesn't date right!"
My outburst statement was me just being silly and over the top in a funny way...but also true.
Before I divulge my thoughts... a few *Disclamers*
*  My background and dating experiences are very unique, making my motives in dating different from most girls. So I do not speak for all single girls/guys, just like I wouldn't want any of them speaking for me.
* Some of this is not original, just tried and true for me and others.

♀ (For girls) Don't bake guys cookies, invite them to amazing cooked dinners, decorate their cars, go visit them, give them advice, etc, etc, etc....etc.. (whew!) We DO too much. I hate to see girls do all of this. Do you feel men are being passive about dating? Maybe we've made them that way. I feel uncomfortable doing so much of the work. It goes against my feminine nature in dating. And really, we just don't have to.
Why? I've learned from guys that while they may like and appreciate it, ultimately...that is not the way to a man's heart. He would rather give to YOU. He creates affection for you by SERVING YOU. So release your nurturing and giving energy on other people and places.

♀ Continuing... It doesn't matter how intelligent or witty you are.  Or if you are kind to others and spiritual.  That you are amazingly talented and successful.  Even that you are attractive. Yes, guys want all that, but they need to give affection, to feel appreciated.  So ladies:  Accept the kind things guys do for you and express appreciation.  Rather than do and serve and nurture--let him give to you, serve you, advise you, comfort you.  Simply accept and appreciate. It's effortless, really. Also, you are not appearing weak when you do this.  

♀♂ (For Both, but mostly Ladies)  Don't try to prove or convince someone that you are worthy of their affections and fancies.  You already are.  Stop doing and just BE your amazing self.  Focus on expressing yourself through your talents and passions.  Enjoy things that make you feel good and happy.  Increase your abilities and confidence. Immerse yourself in what you love about life.  You'll become attractive to one who meets your compatibility.

♀♂ Let yourself date around!  Don't focus on just one guy/girl.  I like it when I can keep my options open much more than obsessing over one guy.  Plus it really helps ease the pressure we all feel in dating on both ends.  You also appear less needy, clingy and more attractive.

♂♀  Use every opportunity to flirt a little.  When you're walking down the sidewalk and you pass a guy/girl, smile and maybe say hello.  It only lasts 2 seconds, but it'll make you feel good (the other person too!) and boost your confidence.  Do it all the time, everywhere! You'll probably never see them again anyway (which can be perfect). Do it in the grocery store, with your waiter, with acquaintances and friends.  I find it comes so naturally that I just can't help myself sometimes ;) It always feels great and increases your ability to flirt and interact.

♂♀  Dates aren't a big deal.  They are simply an opportunity to commit a couple hours of your time to one person for fun, positivity, and getting to know each other and ...sometimes a little more. I like many people and find them to be very interesting.  This has resulted in many awesome dating experiences.

♂♀ Dating one person doesn't mean you want to get married to that person! It's just the next step that leads to other steps...but only if you want to and feel comfortable taking the next step :) Enjoy it and see where it leads. Marriage is still several steps away!

♂ Men, initiate and take the lead. This shows confidence and that is very attractive. In our culture, many guys would ask me out for a couple dates and then put the ball in my court (as a test to see if I was truly interested). I didn't like it. But when guys continued to ask me out and take the lead, I still loved it! I don't feel like I led anyone on either. This only works when the girl is honest.

♀ (Ladies mostly) Be honest in your feelings and actions. If you are interested in someone, don't act like you aren't--or the other way around.  As a relationship progresses and something bothers you, then express how you feel.  Don't say everything is okay, but act like it isn't or even pretend everything is okay.  We pretend too much. I've learned that's how drama is created.  I've seen amazing things happen when I effectively express my feelings.  It certainly makes you more vulnerable, but that is good and even thrilling.

That's all!  Life changing right? ;) Truthfully, some have been for me. You may already know some of this, agree with it and do it.  Honestly, this post was just a boost/reminder for me. You may disagree or disagree. You are free to share your thoughts!